Barry Burton

Barry Burton...

Barry Fuckin' Burton eh! What a sneaky fat bastard he is!

He is a sneaky fat bastard isn't he eh? he's also Canadian eh? i think... he definitively is eh?

He's no longer the Manliest Man of all Time. He is now known as the Sneakiest Fattest Canadian Man of all Time. Eh!

But is that even a noteworthy title?

It's a symbol of who he is now. He has deteriorated from his manly status. Mainly because of all the crazy shit going on. But he is so sneaky, he may not even really be fat, or Canadian. He may still be the Manliest Man of all Time.

I don't think so mister! why would the Manliest Man of all Time need to go sneaking around? that's not very manly, that's not manly at all! the manly thing to do is to come in blasting through the door like you don't give a fuck! all over their faces and get whatever done.

The man lies about being the Manliest Man of All Time. He should be proud of being a fat sneaky Canadian. Maybe he has a future career in politics, eh? Eh!! See what I did there...

And thus he sneakily turned his aimless self promoting campaign of apparent but totally false manliness, into a political platform to become president of Canada.

Barry Burton's ambition was to become a political heavyweight. Literally in his case.

So as his campaign started to grow, he himself gained in mass, and the masses that followed him everywhere his fat self went, fattening his political budget with each speech he gave.

Barry Burton would not budge, he could not be moved (except emotionally) so his followers had to have him lifted after each political speech. Airlifted around the country to maintain his campaign while he was wracked with cramps and pain. The only thing that kept him sane was to play the game The Stanley Parable.

It didn't matter to him if it was the first one or the second one, as long as the narrator was able to emotionally abuse him, and dismiss his life "choices" as pointless and worthless scripted events, Barry Burton was "content" with the course of his life, it gave him almost the same satisfaction as the contents of the course of his meals, it was a vicious circle of puzzles and self fattening reflection, like playing The Talos Principle, except that for Barry it was all about escapism, thus he finally took his fat self to sneak away from reality, and live a political fantasy.